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07/19/05 |
        
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July 19, 2005 Faith is a topic that keeps coming up in my life.
It seems to be the natural result of my increased understanding that I
am inadequate to fulfill the tasks before me, and my increased
understanding of how powerful, merciful, and graceful, and loving God
is. Faith is the bridge that connects the two. Alone, we are inadequate
to do any good. Romans 3 is a classic demonstration of this principle,
though there are literally hundreds, if not thousands of other passages
in scripture illustrating our inability to do anything right. You find
this everywhere. Yet God is mighty- there are tens of thousands of
examples of this in scripture. July 17, 2005 I just finished watching the movie “Unleashed”, and I was taken by
surprise at how I found myself responding to the plot. The plot centers
around a boy named Danny. Danny’s mother was killed when he was young,
and he was taken captive by the murderer. The murderer brainwashed him
and trained him to kill without thinking, treating him like a dog.
Through a series of events Danny gets free and is brought in by a
family, who teaches him to think for himself. Danny then learns to love
and make his own decisions. I won’t spoil the ending for you. July 11, 2005 As of 9 PM tomorrow, I'll be 25 years old. Landmarks are always great
times of reflection, and tomorrow I'll be looking back at one of the
biggest turnaround years of my life. On July 12, 2004 I was fired from a
job as an intern at a market research firm- which was the direction my
life was headed and fast. This firm was becoming my life and my
priorities had God as somewhere around the 4th or 5th most important
thing in my life. This was a curious development, because that was
really the first time in five years that I was not spending consistent
time with God. I was forcing myself to try and get "a real job" as
opposed to going into ministry, primarily because of peer and parental
pressure. It was too good to be true, so I would simply quench the
desires inside of me, buckle down, and make the best of what I had. It
was not to be. I got fired. Thank God! Funny how some of the crappiest
things that happen to you turn out for the better... Only problem is
that I fell hard on the news. The world I was working so hard at
building got knocked over in a second, and it was devastating. I didn't
know what to do, but regrettably, it was not to fall on my knees
immediately. That came a couple months later. July 7, 2005 Last weekend I was the best man at a friend’s wedding. I’ll be
upfront here- I did not deserve to be in this position. I met him when
he was a freshman at Tech, and kind of took him under my wing. I helped
him get involved in some Christian organizations on campus and was there
when he met his wife, but we hadn’t been in much contact over the last
two years. June 29, 2005 God has radically altered my plans for next year. He is leading me to
essentially start up a college ministry at a local church in Norman.
Everything seems to be coming together perfectly, and the only
explanation is that God is really moving in amazing ways. June 25, 2005 Change is on the horizon. Words cannot describe the hope, passion,
love, and excitement that are welling up within me. Yesterday I was feeling as though there was something wrong, something missing in my life. My intimacy with Christ has not been at the level it should be. There is a difference between spending time in reading scripture and praying, and spending time with Christ. I had been feeling a bit distant from Him. I came to recognize that I have been for the past few weeks overlooking one of the most basic needs in Christianity- the need to proclaim the Gospel to others. I am grateful that God did not waste any time giving me the opportunity to share His love. I came in to work at Adams Hall and there was a French foreign exchange student named John sitting next to the GA computer. I knew what I had to do. I felt hindered against breaking out the Gospel right there, while at work, but when I found out that he had not gotten to know any Americans for the past couple months that he had been here, my heart was broken. I have many friends in Marseille, France right now, doing missionary work there- but right here next to me, a bit of France has come to us, hungry for love, open to know us, and we have done nothing. I have done nothing. I invited him and his friends (3 of them came) to come watch "Kingdom of Heaven" with myself and a good-sized number of friends from Wildwood. I could tell that they really appreciated the invite and want to hang out with us. What a wonderful opportunity for them to be involved in the church! After I took them back I offered that I would be happy to drive them around if they need it at all, and told them to not hesitate to give me a call if they need anything. They were very appreciative. We'll be staying in touch. I know what it is like to be in a foreign land. If we are not reaching out to these, we are falling short of everything Christ has called us to be. That is why, personally, I was lacking intimacy. About the movie: I enjoyed it. I didn't love it, but I loved the way it built up the story and suspense. It wasn't your classic, no-brainer, action-based, epic story. It was far too politically correct, and a bit off historically, but nonetheless it gave me a lot to think about. There was a lot of garbage to sort through, but it was a good story. One of the most intriguing parts of the film is how the Crusaders oriented themselves toward the Muslims. One would shout and talk about the need to go to war against them and kill them, and then a chorus would shout "God Wills It!" How are we to know the will of God? Of all the questions a Christian could ask- that is probably the most common. Where do I go? What would you have me do? What do I major in? What job do I take? I want to be submissive and obedient to You, Lord, but how can I when I lack wisdom to know what you desire for me? And how do I know that these desires to do this or that are from you, and not my own selfish desires? God, how many times have I asked You, and yet I am not hearing Your voice? The answer is to hold nothing sacred but God. Not my image- worrying about what anyone else thinks, not my pride, not my desires, not my comfort, not my dreams- NOTHING. We must walk by faith in obedience, living day-by-day, willing to lay anything down for the sake of the call. Willing to live vulnerable lives, submissive to the gentle calling and prodding of God. I love to plan. I love to make long-range detailed plans for the future. God loves to mess up those plans! He's been doing a lot of that recently. Not that the plans or bad, or that God is messing with me, but He wants to make absolutely sure that my trust is in Him, not my own plans or abilities. He's teaching me and growing me- and I am learning. I can't imagine what it was like when Abram received word from the LORD that he was to sacrifice his son- his only son. The son promised to him, which would bring about descendants as numerous as the sand on the shores. It is so easy to look at that passage of scripture (Genesis 22) from a calloused perspective. Most of us have seen it played out on the felt boards with the cut-out Bible characters. That's pretty one-dimensional and boring! Put yourself in his shoes, or at least try. Consider this. Say you have a child, a miraculous birth when you and your spouse are well-advanced in years. It wasn't supposed to be possible, but God confirmed that it was His will, and despite years of waiting, He provided. Then for Him to tell you- go sacrifice your precious child, over 20 years old, that you have raised and loved and cared for, and slaughter him by your own hand for my sake? What kind of faith is that??? The kind that we should have. The kind that we are probably too comfortable in our luxurious lives to even consider. June 23, 2005 Mission Statement: June 19, 2005 As I sit here at work, where thankfully I don’t have to do anything but baby-sit a building in Oklahoma City, I sit back and sip on the fourth cup of coffee I’ve ever had. It’s not bad. I am starting to like coffee- but only as long as I dump a crazy amount of sugar and creamer in. I’m upset that I’m missing church, but sometimes it happens. I wish one of these churches in Norman had a morning service I could make it to! Blogs are an interesting phenomenon- I’m not quite sure why they exist, or specifically even why I write in this one. Is it because I am writing to encourage you, the reader, or somehow alleviate pressure in my life by relating to the world some of the struggles I go through? I think it’s probably a bit of both. Sometimes it’s just so encouraging to know that there are people out there listening that care- and y’all are awesome! There was a particular meeting I had last week with a friend and mentor that I am finding incredibly comforting, and I’d like to share perhaps the most striking thing of the conversation that I had with him. I am in a world of hurt right now. There are just so many things that are weighing down on me, and I am feeling pretty crushed. What’s worse is that I have seen all of these struggles in others, and have had all the “right words to say”. Yet, somehow, when the tables are turned and I’m the one in the spotlight, I am having a lot of difficulty taking my own advice. There is nothing wrong with the advice or encouragement, and I know that God has used it to lift others up, yet I find it to be a hard pill to swallow. Christians, in general, tend to have more pressure than any other people group I’ve ever encountered to be fake. It’s as if being a Christian and knowing the LORD is supposed to make us ecstatic everyday. Knowing God doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to run around, smiling, and acting happy all the time. God does give us joy and peace, but as Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says, that there are a wide array of emotions that we are supposed to go through. I’m just as guilty as the next person in this, and in the vast majority of cases, I believe that the fakeness is unintentional. Somehow I’ve often given up the impression that I sin less than others, or am on a different plane spiritually. I hate that with a passion. I don’t know how this “fake” identity came on, but it is about to be destroyed here. I’m in the same world, struggle with the same things, and fall just as much, if not more, as the guy next to me. Even now, I want to give off the impression that I am a strong, self-reliant man of God whose only care and mission is to encourage others and serve God. Only, I need the fellowship and encouragement of other believers just as much as they need me, and I need Christ’s love above all things. What does it mean to be strong, anyway? Does it mean that we’re self-reliant, not needing help from anyone? If so, whether we realize it or not, we’re all pretty weak. It’s a good thing that God likes to use people that are weak. I’m now working on the fifth cup of coffee I’ve ever had in my life. With that being said, there’s an intense battle raging in our lives. Each one of us has particular struggles that we go through and are probably cyclical. My friend termed these as “faith frontiers”. A frontier may be defined as “a region just beyond or at the edge of a settled area”. Putting this together with faith adds a new dimension to the definition- that there are ‘edges’ in our life where we are pushed to the limit of our faith- areas beyond the settled area that we like to focus on. We all have faith frontiers, whether we realize it or not, so think about your own life. What are the issues that keep you up at night? What is it that you are crying out to God for? How is He challenging you? It didn’t take me long to come up with a list of major faith frontiers in my life- my relationship with my parents, raising support for next year, being fruitful in ministry, becoming a husband and father, and committing my future whole-heartedly to God were the major ones I came up with. No passage better illustrates what faith frontiers look like than Hebrews 10:35-38: 35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. 38But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." 39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. In each faith frontier, we have two options- to have confidence that the LORD will be faithful to bless our efforts to serve Him, or to shrink back in fear. How easy it is to shrink back in fear! How comfortable, how rational, how sane it is! Personally, I really want to stop asking people for money. I want to retreat to a well-paying job that everyone looks at and respects. It’s so difficult. Yet I know that God is calling me to press forward, so I push forward, no matter how bleak or difficult that road looks, and right now, it looks pretty bleak and difficult! That will merely bring all the more glory, honor, and credit to God when He provides it all. It’s easy to retreat back to what’s comfortable- to stop pushing ourselves to pursue all that God intends for our lives. But as verse 38 above says- God is NOT pleased with that. We have to live by faith. I look at all my frontiers and know that I cannot accomplish any of them- in fact, I have no clue how they can be accomplished, period! I claim verse 36, persevere in my faith, trust in the LORD, and wait for what’s promised, though living on the frontier seems foolish to others. Draw the boundaries carefully, though. Sometimes we can confuse our desires with what God desires for us. I am always a little fearful of this. For instance, what if God desires for me to be single, and I am pressing forward in my faith frontier that I will be married and have a family? What if I am raising all this money for next year, but God’s will is for me to be somewhere else? Doubt is a natural part of any faith frontier, but we have to be seeking God constantly, and hold all of our dreams and ambitions loosely before Him. If God reveals to me that I am to be single- He can have my singleness. If He desires me to work somewhere else than with Campus Crusade for Christ, He can send me elsewhere- I just have to be seeking God above all else, listening to Him in His Word, sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and prepared to sacrifice anything He asks. Easier said than done, eh? Life is too short to live it comfortably in manageable situations where we aren't challenged and are lulled into complacency and self-reliance. By the grace of God, I hope and pray that we can press forward together as the body of Christ, encouraging one another to pursue all that God has called us to. June 17, 2005 I've learned so much this week! One of the amazing things about
support raising is meeting with godly older men who are such much wiser
than I! It is a blessing to even be around them, hearing their stories
and their advice. I promise one day soon I'll actually start posting on
the devotionals portion of my website- but I definately need to pass on
some of the wisdom and advice they've given me. June 13, 2005 There are times in life when you just want to freeze time and enjoy the moment for a while. Perhaps pack it away for future remembrance and enjoyment. Last night was one of those times. All the guys at the house and a couple of our friends got together, opened up the garage door, and watch a serious set of storms blow through while we kicked back, chatted, and played with Diggs' kittens. After that we all went inside and watched the comedy spoof "Shaun of the Dead". I know I'm going to miss these guys, this house, and Oklahoma. It's been good over the past couple years- though it was the toughest two years of my life! God is way too good to me- He continues to teach me and grow me in my relationship with Him. I'm pretty hard-headed and stubborn, and so God has to use trial by fire to train me. I had a strange dream last night- which probably had a lot to do with watching "Shaun of the Dead", but it was a noteworthy dream nonetheless. As with most dreams, I can only remember bits and pieces, but I do remember this- being in an elaborate hotel and in love. This time, the girl is in love with me too and chooses me over a gaggle of goggling guys. Our relationship was growing and was very strong by the time the dream ended- everything about it just seemed right and I felt as 'one' with her. Essentially, this is a dream worth fighting for- by not giving up on God's timing, maintaining a pure thought life and motives towards women, and by continually seeking to honor women and encourage them. I've struggled much in my attitude towards women over the years. It's been rather subtle, and my thoughts towards them have never been threatening- just at times disrespectful and selfish. Most of this is frustration from being a 'nice guy' and being figuratively trampled. Some of it is reactionary against the many guys I've met who make women a priority over God and go to church mainly to meet them- and I feel like I have to prove that my intentions are solely on God by ignoring women. Some of it is just trying to suppress my desire to be a husband and father by 'not looking'. So many people love to give that advice- that you won't find the love of your life until you 'stop looking'. I've been 'not looking' for the past four years and that hasn't brought anything but a slight case of loneliness! All this time I've been praying, and I will continue to pray for her- but I also need God to soften my heart, as there's something to be said for the pursuit of godly women... and despite the many frustrations I've had with Christian women, I know that besides part of that being my fault- there have got to be those out there that value men who are striving to honor God in all that we do. June 7, 2005 The words still ring loud and clear in my ears.
"What if you don't get all your support raised?" This question was posed
by mother on a long road trip to see one of my cousins wed in Missouri.
My initial reaction was that God will provide. Now I am feeling a little
panicky. Okay, a lot panicky!
May 27, 2005 To make up for lost time, here's a summary of some things that have happened. My business plan team (KNS International) won 3rd place in the Governor's Cup, an Oklahoma venture capital competition. We took our presentation down to Austin to participate in the Moot Corp Competition and came back with nothing other than added experience and some good memories. I graduated, finally through with school after two straight decades of it. Interesting to think that almost half of it was spent in college... Anyhow, I have three degrees to show for it and was learned and accomplished far more outside the classroom than I would have ever thought possible. At commencement, after John McCain gave a speech that had nothing to do with our graduation, when the PhD candidates were being conferred their degrees- I pulled out the beach balls I had smuggled in and with the help of a few friends, got them airborne. You never would have thought that thousands of people would get so excited over something so small. It was glorious fun that lasted about fifteen minutes. I guess it had just been too long since I'd done something immature, and I had to let it out. The week after graduation I did absolutely nothing. I was burnt out. On hindsight, I would love to have that week back, but I needed the rest. I push myself too hard and I need to learn to take breaks every now and then. I am currently enjoying time with my parents. I love them. They are awesome. I got the summer job I was hoping and praying for. I'll be basically continuing what I was doing over the past two years. Half of the money I'll earn this summer will go directly towards paying Terminex for getting rid of the termites that decided to take up residence in my house. Half will go towards paying the rent for the empty room at my house, marked by the third time someone has broken their word to me that they'd live there. The other half will all be consumed by the Oklahoma Tax Commission. Is my math right? It seems men with character that value the integrity of their word are in short supply. I'm having to battle with thoughts as far as just how trusting I should be. It shouldn't have to come to that, but it has. Most importantly, inexplicably, God is providing for me. That's why I'm not worried. I only want to be more passionate about Him, and trust Him more. Please let me know how I can pray for you. April 25, 2005 I can't get Big Break out of my mind. We were given rubber bracelets to wear while on the beach so that we would know who was with the conference and not waste our time evangelizing to them. I still have mine on, over a month later, and I'm not quite sure why. I just know that for now, it belongs there, right next to the OU Finish bracelet that I can't bring myself to take off. OU's motto last year for the football season was "Finish", for the obvious reason that our team collapsed two years ago. This year we only finished the season out with one loss, as opposed to two, so maybe it kind of worked... Perhaps we need to carry it over into next season and lose one less game. On a personal level, I am in the process of finishing two straight decades of school, so it is good for me to be reminded that I need to finish strong. There are many reasons I can't get Big Break out of my mind. There was something amazing about some of the Crusade campuses that were there. I won't forget the Navy guys, and their enthusiasm for worship, or the huge groups that Purdue, Syracuse, and West Virginia brought. It reminds me that God exists outside the Red River Region, and He is passionately moving among His people in places that are far away. Spending so much time evangelizing on the beach was difficult, but hearing the stories of how God moved to bring lost to Christ, and even being able to play a part in one of those stories, touched my soul. This is the picture we need to have of Christianity- going outside our comfort zones, and outside the Christian bubbles we pretty much all live in, and spending time proclaiming the love of God to those around us when there's a million other distractions we could be after. Maybe I just can't forget the animal behavior that I saw on the beach and strip- it still makes me sick just to think about. I can't forget the way people were treating each other- it was as if they were dogs looking for quick hookups. I'm not going to go into details as to what I saw because it's not the point, but this generation we're hopefully trying to reach is as in need of Christ as any generation ever has been. Maybe I haven't taken the bracelet off because it I shouldn't have to wear a bracelet so people know I am a believer. Maybe it's a reminder for me to wear my faith on my sleeve. Maybe it's a reminder about the rejection I encountered on the beach. It's a reminder to keep hope and faith that God will provide strength for me to continue doing what He has put me on earth to do. Ultimately, it's just a bracelet, but it's also a reminder to me that my life was forever changed by the events of Big Break. In looking to the future, I desire to hold onto all things loosely. The LORD gives and the LORD takes away, and I have to deal with this. What's more important is that I don't turn things in my life into idols that I would place before Christ. My future? God's. My house? God's. My talents and abilities? God's. My "Earnings potential"? God's. All my hopes and dreams for a family? I've surrendered them to God. There is nothing in my heart that I desire over this- that God's will be done in my life. I still pray to Him repeatedly for things my heart desires, but always with the catch that only if it is in His will. April 20, 2005 I feel like inventory. At the closing of two straight decades of year after year of education, this is the culmination of all of my feelings about who I am and what I've become. I am inventory. Some object whose worth is derived by what good I bring to others. Last night was the last OU Cru meeting of the year. It was the Senior send-off night and the time when people would go to the front and be recognized and prayed for for what mission trips they are embarking upon for the summer or for next year. I have class on Tuesday nights, and class got out on time last night, which meant I was twenty minutes late to Cru, missing the Senior send-off time. That's actually fine with me, because I am not a senior. Anyway, I picked a quiet spot in the back corner for worship, and found my soul to be distressed. I needed the worship and enjoyed it, but I also needed to be alone. My plan was to duck out quietly without anyone realizing I had come at all, to avoid having to go up front. The plan backfired as I was spotted heading to the door and my name was announced. I didn't look back. I just kept on walking, hoping that no one noticed. What will people think of me now? I don't know, and I am not sure how much I should care. We ask this question of ourselves so often, in so many different ways. Most often it is simply a subconscious warning that we'd better do this, or better not do that, because people might think less of us. Many people spend the majority of their lives paranoid about what other people think of them without even realizing it. Just trying to gain acceptance. Trying to find their identity in the worth others give to them. I tend to struggle with these things- it is part of my personality. It is one of the drivers behind my competitive nature- I want to be recognized as the best. When I was little I used to play baseball. My father was the coach of the Richardson Royals, which was the little league I was on. I did fairly well as a shortstop, though my time as a pitcher was short lived. Ultimately I had to quit because although I was one of the best on my team, I wasn't THE best, and I would throw fits when teammates would outperform me. My attitude was to be the best I could possibly be, and hopefully better than everyone else- whether they were on my team or not. I have struggled with this for about 15 years now and God is changing my mindset more and more each day to desire that others around me are built up- even to the point they are stronger and better than I. The overall vision of wanting to see the body of Christ built up is consuming my person, and I love it. I still feel like inventory. Worth is determined by performance of some type. My identity is now found in how well I am able to mentor others and lead them to spiritual maturity. In times like this it is good to be reminded that I am inventory- of God's. Yet He doesn't assign worth based upon my actions- but rather on the worth of His Son. I wish we could stop judging our worth or the worth of other people based upon actions, and take God's point of view. Can we simply see each other as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, all of whom struggle and have problems? If we took this approach maybe we'd all have a little more grace with each other. Maybe we'd seek to build each other up more. We have got to be sensitive to the needs of those around us and strive to meet those needs- instead of using people to meet needs we feel we have in our own lives. April 18, 2005 This Saturday I was a part of the Bruzzy Westheimer competition, a presentation competition for OU students. Things went wrong from the very beginning, as one of my two teammates dropped out with just over a week remaining until the competition. We had to scramble to find a third presenter, and basically had to throw everything together in the eleventh hour. We were presenting on no sleep as we had stayed up all during the previous night practicing and trying to finalize our slides. We pulled ourselves together early the next morning (just a few hours of sleep later) and ran through a few more practices, but all I could really think about was how unprepared we were. As we gathered together before it was our turn to present, I felt God urging me to pull the team together to pray for peace and that all would go well. I know that one of them was a believer, but I don't know about the other. At any rate, God heard our prayers because the presentation went very well. We were struggling through the practices but things went smoothly during the competition. I credit God for that- it had nothing to do with us. The judges seemed interested in our presentation and we felt that things went well. We packed up our stuff and headed out to Hideaway Pizza to celebrate the culmination of our hard work. I was nervous during the awards ceremony that evening, but confident that since we hadn't won anything, so there was no reason to be nervous. The announcers started off by naming all the teams that did not place, and I began counting these teams, hoping against hope that we wouldn't be named as one of them. I ended up counting to the point that only the three placing teams were left (The team members of which would each pocket $250, $500, or $1000) and thinking that this was crazy, and I so thankful that our team placed third. Our team didn't place third. At this point I was already in shock, and the shock only deepened when my team was not announced as the second place winner. Sure enough, we won the contest and I was so grateful to God. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I needed the money badly to pay off tuition debt that I owe to my parents, and cannot easily repay because of the career path I have chosen. I had no idea how I was going to be able to pay it, but trusted that God would provide. $1000 doesn't cover it all, but that's beside the point. The point is that I am amazed by God, but I also don't know how to handle victory. I would have preferred to crawl into a hole than to have had so many people come up and congratulate me and have other businessmen inquire where I am working and tell me that I could get a job just about anywhere. I don't feel comfortable with people giving me credit for something I didn't earn. Pictures of King Herod being eaten by worms when others called him a god and he didn't immediately correct them come to mind. My goals in life are to make much of Christ and to be an empty vessel for Him to use however He desires. When I am in the grave, if this can be said of my life then I know it was a success. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God. I'd almost rather just fast forward to August and get down and dirty on Texas Tech's campus, laboring with a team of amazing staff and students to reach Lubbock for Christ. This time in-between now and then makes me uncomfortable- support raising process is difficult and scares me to death, as I hate asking for anything. Nonetheless, I'll take this path that God has called me to follow, fulfill my duty to the best of my ability, and thank God for the privilege of serving Him. I am unworthy to be a servant of God, much less to be called His child. John the Baptist said that he was unworthy to carry Christ's sandals, so where does that put the rest of us? It is my greatest honor to merely be associated with the name of Christ, that He has called me to know Him and given me the opportunity to be used for His glory during my time on earth. April 12, 2005 Yesterday was crazy, but I don't know if I have ever felt the call
more clearly about what I am to do next year. Through all of the pain
God found a way to give me peace and hope for the future. Not only this,
but I was able to have a few VERY meaningful appointments with students.
There was something electric about feeling God course through me and
give me the words to speak that connected with these guys. This is what
I want to do- to make my body, heart, and soul available to God so that
He can use them as He wishes. April 11, 2005 I don't consider myself a whiner. I don't like whining at all. Sometimes I wonder if I give off the impression that I'm whining in these journals. Perhaps I can paint a more accurate depiction of what's going on and why there is so much emotion in my journals lately. Last summer was the worst summer of my life. For the first time since I was in Junior High, I lost sight of God. Work at an Oklahoma City firm consumed my life and I went three months without having meaningful personal time in God's word. On September 15, 2004 I resumed intentional personal time in the Word, and God breathed new life into me. I had two wishes, one that is being fulfilled, and one that never can be. The first was asking that God fix the mess that I was in, renew my desire for Him, and that He use me. The second was that He erase the previous three months. Those three months were wasted as I pursued things of the world without regard to Christ's ownership of my life. Those things burned me in the end, as I was fired from the job I was pouring my life into and the relationship that I turned to instinctively and unintentionally to ease the blow failed and demonstrated a lack of integrity on my part. I was utterly alone, and struggling. I called upon the LORD to save me, and breathe new meaning back into my life, and He did. Since September 15, God has been growing me more than I have ever grown in my life. Our adversary has also been hard at work. I know we all face struggles, and I don't claim that mine to be any worse than yours- people have suffered far worse than I. Regardless, after committing myself to wholeheartedly surrendering all I am to the LORD, and all of my future, I have endured more than I can handle. The picture of some cartoon character, standing in the kitchen, ducking and dodging all sorts of pots and pans and other items being thrown at him by a disgruntled friend comes to mind. That's me. I'm completely overwhelmed by the challenges I'm facing. The pursuit of God has brought these attacks on, and they are forcing me more and more to my knees. The more I am on my knees the more I get hit with attacks of increasing severity. It is a never-ending downward spiral where I am being crushed and ground into nothing, and where hopefully all that will remain out of the rubble is Christ. Recently a good friend and mentor was listening to me as I described the events going on in my life, and his response was "wow, you are one resilient fellow." At the time I was talking with him about the discussion I had with my parents on New Year's Day about working as an intern with Cru next year. I love my parents dearly and respect them. Yet we are at odds regarding the direction my life needs to take. This is extraordinarily difficult given that there is no one on earth I love more than them. My whole life I have looked up to both of them and I've always wanted to grow up and be just like my father- a man of integrity and wisdom who has an incredible ministry for Christ at church and in the workplace, where he is a successful businessman. But God has put a passion in me and equipped me to reach college students. That's what I want to do- that's all I want to do. I believe that's what I was created to do. Anything else seems to me to be disobedience to God. I had to first lay aside all the dreams I had of comfortably living the American Dream as a Christian, and then fully embrace God's plan for my life. On January 1, 2005, I approached my parents in humility and love to communicate this to them, and their response cut me to the heart. They love me and want what's best for me, but they just don't see that this is it. Their response was quite harsh, and I won't go into detail. Exactly one hundred days have passed since this conversation, and not one of these has passed in which I have not longed for restoration with my parents. The illustration of this story is that this is just one example of the difficulties I am facing in life right now. There are so very many of them and I can't handle this. The only way I am going to make it out alive is on my knees. Verses such as James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5, and 1 Peter 1:6-9 give me a rational justification for the trials I am facing, but emotionally I am a wreck. Temptations are flying at me from every side, each one an apparent solution to my sorrow. With all my strength I am devoted to fixing my eyes upon Christ. I would love to say that it's easy to overcome trials when you focus on Christ. It's especially tempting for me to try and come across stronger than I really am. I've struggled with this over the past few years. The bottom line is that you and I are nothing without Christ. We're all going to struggle and suffer- the questions are really first of all, "what are you struggling and suffering for?", and then secondly, "is Christ your strength through all of this?" It is appropriate to grieve through difficult times. It is healthy to hurt while you go through struggles. I am still trying to convince myself of these things. Please pray for me. Specifically in the following areas:
If you pray for me, it would really be a major encouragement if you send me a quick note, letting me know. April 6, 2005 The big call came yesterday morning at 11:05, while I was cleaning my room- only I had turned my ringer off. At 11:07 I received notification that I had email, and when I checked it and found out I had been placed at Tech, my heart was overjoyed. Less than 20 minutes later I received a call from a fraternity friend who said he and a mutual friend would like to take over the master bedroom at the house - talk about an answer to prayer! In less than 20 minutes, God took care of what I had been so concerned about over the past five months, since I made the decision to intern on November 9. I have written so much and prayed so much for clarification on direction on both my house (which I intend to keep renting out to students), and the Crusade internship, and I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I found it hard to focus most of yesterday as I was caught up in feeling the burden of these issues lifted off of my shoulders. Looking back, I have trusted God over the past five months, believing that what happened yesterday would eventually come about. That did NOT make the process easy though, as evidenced by my journals. Let me explain the housing situation... A year ago some friends and I were looking for a place to live- specifically a place that would foster fellowship and community among believers. When we could not find anything available to accommodate all five of us, I had the idea of buying a house, as interest rates were at record lows at the time. I did a lot of research on real estate, and everything that goes into managing a property, and felt that this was what I needed to do- not only was it a good (though risky) move financially, I believed that God would use the property for years to come to bless the lives of those who lived in it, as well as their friends. I'm not making a profit on the house, but I am earning equity on the property. Obviously I need tenants in the house to keep it, otherwise I'd have to sell, and that is a very difficult and costly process that would defeat the whole purpose of why I bought the house in the first place. I needed to know where I was going to be next year so that I could do everything in my power to serve the needs of the guys currently residing in the house and keep it available for them to live in. The talk at Kappa Chi went very well Monday night. There was so much I wanted to say, but I knew I had to try and keep the amount of content manageable. I'm working on getting it all written down, but I also have to take care of homework and taxes, so who knows when I'll be able to post the text on the website?! I believe that God spoke through me that night, and I can only hope that they won't forget what was said, but that it will resonate in their hearts and minds and encourage them to have attitudes honoring to God. I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted, but so encouraged by the events of yesterday. I can't wait for August to come, which is when I will report for duty in Lubbock. I know that there is a rough road ahead of me, but I continue to place my trust and hope in the LORD. I am praying for joy and I know that it will come. April 4, 2005 I am supposed to find out where I'll be next year within the next four days, and I find myself drawn to my first journal entry on the website over a month ago. After reading this entry, I am encouraged at my initial attitude, but disheartened at my own self-perceived lack of passion currently. The Christian life is full of peaks and valleys, and right now I am in the valley. I don't know quite why though- maybe it's just that I feel worn out by the waiting game -as I have had to suspend all my future plans until I know where I'll be so I can make preparations. There's also the whole issue of support raising- I still have no clue how God is going to provide, but I am blindly trusting in Him. I almost feel forgotten at times by those in charge. It would be nice to get at least an occasional acknowledgement that they are still praying over the situation as things are being processed. The lady situation was also very disheartening. At first, the pain drove me to the cross, but now feelings of rejection and loneliness are setting in and I am tired of fighting them off and reminding myself that God is in control and has my best interests at heart. I am talking tonight at Kappa Chi and have no idea what I am supposed to say. It's not that I haven't put forth the effort to study - I have - it's just that I have the devotional equivalent of "writer's block". There seems to be frustration at just about every area of my life and I hate it. The word "inadequate" keeps coming to mind. I simply don't feel like I have what it takes to succeed. Perhaps this is what Elijah felt like after he had the great victory at Mount Carmel in 1 Kings 18. After experiencing the LORD move in mighty ways on Mount Carmel, where he challenged 450 prophets of Baal to an altar showdown, his life was threatened by Israel's wicked queen Jezebel and so he ran away and asked God for death. God then restored his strength for a journey to Mount Horeb, where He met with Elijah, calming his fears and dispersing the illusions that were plaguing Elijah. He promised him deliverance and provided Elisha as companion and heir apparent. I yearn for the treatment that Elijah received- to hear God's voice in the stillness, reaffirming who I am and the direction I am headed, to be delivered and given strength, wisdom, companionship, and peace. I continue to seek Christ today, and hope for tomorrow. Things will get better. I can't be in this valley forever. What's more is that I believe God will use me right now, when I am so weak, to speak through me. I have hope for the future. I couldn't be happier with the direction my life has taken. I have seen God move in incredible ways over the past month, and I am about to find out where I'll be next year so I can get excited about that and start casting vision for the ministry there. Philippians 4:8 may hold the simple answer to why I am in the valley as opposed to on a mountaintop. I have hope for the future, and this is where I should focus my attention. The next four months are going to be very difficult for me, and I must continue to seek God and pray for deliverance. March 28, 2005 You know how I thought things had picked up really well since Spring Break? Maybe they haven't, so much... I had a restful weekend, but I feel like I am dying on the inside. In my quiet time this morning I wrote in my prayer journal some things I would like to share here. "I can't face this world alone. I'm not going to try. I will run after you or die in the process of trying. I am going to live this day hopeful that tomorrow will come, and that tomorrow will be bright. I rejoice in You and all You mean to me. I grasp onto it and find I can't let go. You are everything to me." I could pretend that I've "got it all together", but I don't. Life is typically quite painful and the only place I know there is refuge is in the shadow of the cross in the arms of Jesus. I find myself continually asking Jesus for wisdom and then the peace to accept this wisdom. That's often hard to do. Letting go of things I think may be right and clinging to things that I know are right before God is a difficult process. Probably the biggest challenge I am facing is trusting God with my future. Trusting God that He will provide for all of my needs and place me next year where I need to be. Trusting that He will bring in all of the necessary support. Trusting that He will provide for and take care of the innermost needs and desires of my heart. I do trust Him with these things, but it's difficult and the waiting is taking its toll on my emotions. On the bright side, I was able to talk with Joey on Saturday evening and found out that things are going well with him. He continues to thirst for God, was excited that I called, and wants to stay in touch. My next step is to get him in contact with the Cru Cincinnati metro team. At any rate, I was so encouraged that things were going well for him, and that everything turned out okay on the evening of March 17. Okay, so things have really picked up well since Big Break. Since finishing off the trip by having my cell phone fall out of my pocket at a gas station at about 5:00 in the morning on the way home, things have really been looking up. I absolutely loved the passage I read this morning in Romans 5:1-5, specifically verses 3-5. The chapter opens up once again reiterating that it is faith that gives us right standing with God. That alone is such a comforting topic for me as I am the type of person who is very action-oriented. Sometimes I find my identity being defined by how much ministry I am doing, or how successful I am in that. In reality, my identity is found in Christ. My eternal security is grounded in Christ. I just have to relax, be faithful, and trust in God. I've experienced a considerable amount of hardships already concerning this course that I have chosen to take. Sometimes I feel like Satan has somehow snuck a "Kick Me" sign onto my back. The story of Big Break seems to be a great summation of my life this semester. Don't get me wrong, a lot of great things happened last week, including developing great relationships, having several great conversations on the Beach, and enjoying worship and the emcee, Shelby, who was hilarious. In a similar manner, ever since I decided to pursue an internship with Campus Crusade for Christ, my life has been abundantly overflowing with blessings. It's just that the attacks have really stepped up too. That's when verses 3-5 really minister to my soul and are life to meditate upon.
I am learning to live off of hope. To feed off of it. I know that God has given me the calling that I now pursue. My soul is overcome with joy just thinking about spending next year doing ministry with college students on a full time basis. These attacks are forcing me to my knees, and that's where I am finding strength and that God is carrying me through this all. In related news, I really felt I needed some closure with the godly woman that I initiated with over Spring Break. We just didn't have enough time to communicate all that needed to be communicated. I was really concerned that I might have done something wrong, and I wanted to double check to make sure everything was okay. So I called her up last night and we ended up having a really good conversation. To the contrary of what I had feared, she was extremely encouraging to me, telling me that she, as well as her friends, were very impressed with how I had handled things. While of course I was very disappointed that things did not turn out the way I hoped they would, I was elated that our friendship was in no way damaged, and she was encouraged by my approach to her. I am going to put up some of my thoughts on dating in the devotional section. I hope to be able to encourage God-honoring behavior in the dating lives of believers, as this can be a huge stumbling block in our lives. March 21, 2005 This past week (March 12-19) was a disastrous time for me. I spent my final Spring Break as a student at Big Break, a Crusade sponsored mission trip to Panama City Beach. I came into Spring Break on a spiritual high and hoping that the week would be a time of further spiritual revival in my life. My well intentioned plans began to crumble from the start. I was asked to help out with the logistics of getting from Norman to PCB, so naturally I was very interested in repeating what we did last year, which was to hook up with my beloved alma mater in Dallas and take vans from there to Florida. That didn't work out, and we all ended up heading down in cars. I was really excited about getting a big group of Sooners from OU's Cru to go ... but after much effort on getting the word out, only three students ended up coming in the end. No matter, we were a little smaller than I had hoped and we weren't getting there the way I hoped. The trip over ended up lasting much longer than it was supposed to, as we hit some heavy traffic and got a little turned around on our approach. I was on the road from 8:00 Saturday morning until 3:30 Sunday morning, and by the time we came in, let's just say we were all a bit delirious. As it turns out, a bunch more people showed up at Big Break than were expected, which is a very good thing, but since we got in so late we (the 3 students from OU and 5 involved with Oklahoma Catalytic ministries that drove down with us) had to stay at a remote location and were isolated from everyone else, including our staff (five amazing and godly women). The first thing that I did in PCB was get sick. I fought through it and tried to hang in there, and thankfully it wasn't too bad- just your typically annoying common cold which only lasted a few days. The talks during the week were good, I just didn't feel like I was really connecting with the speakers- except for Ben, who coordinated the Beach Outreach effort. Ben is a stud! We hit the beach full force from the start and I was able to initiate some really great conversations with Spring Breakers and share the Gospel with them. We would take short Quest surveys out to the beach and get feedback from students that led into a presentation of the Gospel, should the student choose to hear it. Over the course of the week this hefty evangelism effort began to take its toll on me and I was really tired. At the end of the final day for outreach, I had been able to initiate something on the order of 30 spiritual conversations and shared the Gospel around a dozen times. Rejections began to get to me as I so desperately wanted to see people find Christ. The whole week I had heard incredible stories of people who had shared their faith and how God had used that to change lives for eternity. More than anything else, this filled my heart with joy, but I longed to see God use me to bring someone to Christ. I just wasn't connecting with those on the beach to the level I desired. I also got left at a ministry site one of the days and had to run back to the hotel. To make matters worse, I had approached an amazing woman of God on Wednesday night about feelings that I had developed for her, and found out Thursday that those were not reciprocated. So there I was, on the final day, sick, rejected, tired, and demoralized. Officially organized outreach was over, but God was spurring my soul to go out on the party scene that night to share. Three Texas Tech students showed interest in going out to the strip with me- Dillon, Heather, and Tyshan. They were all like me- tired and nervous, but we believed that God had a reason for dragging us all out there. None of us had ever been "party crashing" before, we had only heard stories of how some students had done it and how God had moved in pretty spectacular ways during those times. The prayers of our hearts that night were simple, humble, and honest- "LORD, we have no clue what's going on. We're tired, and lacking in experience and wisdom, but we trust that somehow you'll use us to reach someone for Christ tonight. We know that it is You that works through us to accomplish all good things, and we pray that you use us tonight to honor Your name in whatever way you so choose. Please protect us, keep us safe, and put Your words in our mouths." While driving we passed some parties that had overflowed out onto the street, so we drove back and forth a few minutes looking for a place to park. We ended up settling down in the parking lot of Noah's Ark, where we disembarked and prayed yet again. We saw three guys sitting out on a low wall directly across from the parking lot and set out to start up a conversation with them. Their names were Joey, Jim, and Bryan, and had just arrived in PCB after driving from the Cincinnati metropolis area. They appeared to be sober, though they all had just been kicked out of their motel because one of them had smoked some weed while the others were asleep. They had nowhere to go and the driver of their car had abandoned them to go to some bar and wasn't answering his phone. We ended up in three separate conversations as we surveyed them each individually. I talked with Joey, Heather and Tyshan talked with Jim, and Dillon talked with Bryan. I was shocked by how quickly Joey opened up to me as he shared how the most important thing in his life was his newborn son, Aiden, and how his grandmother had been trying to get him to go to church for years. He remarked on how he felt God was trying to reach out to him, but how he kept doing the wrong thing. We then talked about how this meeting was not coincidental, but that God was once again reaching out to him. To say that Joey was eager to hear the Gospel would be an understatement. He said that he had an overwhelming desire to know God and so I went through the Knowing God Personally booklet with him. It all made sense to him, and he wanted to get to the prayer so fast I felt like I had to rush things. He realized that we are all sinful, and separated from God, and therefore God sent Jesus to offer us forgiveness if only we ask for it. We prayed the prayer together and you couldn't knock the smile off his face the rest of the night. He gave me his contact information, and I am going to follow up this week. Perhaps the most encouraging thing to me was just to look up and see the other students simultaneously sharing their faith with the other two, lost in deep conversations of God's ultimate love and sacrifice for us. I am floored by God's willingness to use us- if only we make ourselves available for Him. He's so much bigger than our hurt, our tiredness, our nervousness, our loneliness, and even our inability to sound smart and like we've got it all together. After about an hour or so of sharing we eventually started working with them to find a new place for them to stay. We were able to locate a fairly inexpensive motel with vacancies that could put up all four of them, and we left them with my cell phone number and asked for them to call if they needed anything at all. I didn't hear back from them, even though I called a couple times to check up on them. I can only hope that everything turned out well- but at least nothing can take away Joey's commitment that he made earlier that night. Please keep all three of them in prayer. March 10, 2005 I have taken a lot of time to "stop and smell the roses" lately. I wrote out the testimony on the "About Me" part of the site a few days back, and I just keep thinking about how God has moved in my life over the past 24 years. I don't understand why He is so good to me. Even the negatives that seem to be in my life are huge blessings. For instance, I love kids. I have taught swimming lessons for seven years to little kids, have sponsored several different Christian camps and trips and such. Inside of me, I feel an intense longing to be a father, and to have a son. I also have been locked in an intense struggle to develop into the kind of man I need to be to be a godly husband someday. All these things I long for and fight for, and dream of, and yet I have nothing. My hope is in the LORD, and I hope against all worldly reason and rationale that someday he'll bring those things into my life. When He does, I'll be ready for them and honor Him with them. For now, I stave off loneliness from time to time. Yet if I were involved in a relationship and had settled down I could not be where I am right now. I have seen God move in ways I could have never possibly dreamed or imagined just in the past few years alone. When I think about it, I wouldn't have anything in my life be any different. Nothing could be better. Nothing is out of place. God has given me exactly what I have needed, and more. He has provided for my every need. I am not living in euphoria at the time of this writing, in fact right now my heart is broken. I have endured so much in my life to come to this point. I know what I have gone through may be nothing compared to what others have been through. It's just I've been given so much- whether that be an incredible, Olympic caliber talent as a swimmer, a bright business future, loyal and devoted friends, even a very close relationship with my parents, and all of this I have had to place on the altar to be right here and right now, headed in this direction. In these trivial "sufferings" I have been able to catch some small, tiny, glimpse of a glimmer of what it means to suffer for Christ's sake. I am deeply moved by the words of Paul in Philippians 3:10-11, which say "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." I am praying to God for a like-minded spirit as Paul, that even though I live in the most comfortable and rich country on the earth at the most profitable time the world has ever seen that I may not be drawn in by these things, but rather, lay them down at the feet of Christ and take up a cross instead. March 4, 2005 Today I finished a five and a half year study of the Bible that I began the summer after my freshman year, in 1999. I am amazed to look back and think upon what has happened in that period of time. God speaks through His Word, and I know that who I am now as opposed to six years ago is a testament to that. I am disheartened at the number of students that I know that regularly study scripture. It seems that in this day and age with all of our toys and distractions something as "boring" as sitting down and reading a book can be easily overlooked. This is just me speaking bluntly from my perspective, but I find it a sad commentary on the state of our campus when [male] Christian students are more passionate about HALO than Christ. Or when they spend four or five hours a day just sitting in front of the TV, and ZERO time with the LORD. I mean, is God that boring? Are we that self-seeking? Someone may read this and think that I am being judgmental. My purpose in writing these things is not to condemn anyone, but just to speak from my heart. In fact, I can't wait until the time when I can focus all my attention and effort single-mindedly on helping this generation find life in Christ. I yearn for the day when I can disciple college men all day and partner with them to change the campus I am at. I just have to be faithful and trust God that He's going to get me from this point to that. February 28, 2005 Words are difficult to come by today. I had a bad weekend, but I that is because I didn't make scripture reading a priority on Saturday or Sunday. Having not put God first, I found my carnal attitudes taking over in how I treated others and looked at life. The pounding the Red Raiders took on Saturday at the hands of rival aTm didn't help things. It is amazing what a difference God's Word can make in your day when you meditate upon it. For instance, this morning I was reminded of how God desires genuine repentance from us as I read through Malachi 1. My mind has therefore been dwelling on God's kindness to me and my response- which has so often been self centered and wrong. The Israelites (at around 430 BC) had settled for following the law for the sake of following the law, and not even doing a good job of that! The animals they were giving were lame, and cost them very little personally. This reminded me of God's perfect offering on our behalf, and our knee-jerk response offerings. Personally, it is so easy to give "lame" offerings as the Israelites were in the time of Malachi. Sure, we'll spend time reading, but not our best time- not when we have an impending test or have had a hard day at work. We'll give what is convenient, but not what is costly. And here we have the perfect picture in Christ of what true sacrifice really is- only we fall so short in our efforts. All this to say is that I am blown away by God's grace, but too fearful of Him to blow off my sin and be cavalier in my heart towards my time with Him. Regarding the Internship with Cru next year, things are progressing slowly. I really have no clue when I'll find out where I'll be, or when I can even begin raising support. Raising $25,000 to live off of while I am doing ministry with Cru will be the single biggest step of faith I've ever taken. I know that if I take my eyes off of Christ in the process I'll lose sight of what this is all about and be overwhelmed. I know this is God's will. I know that God never gives a calling and then not the means to see it through to completion. I know I have to be patient and trust in Him, that somehow He'll work everything out in His own way. February 25, 2005 As it turns out I heard back from Cru on the 23rd. I was pre-accepted for an internship position next year, which means that if I pass a basic medical and psychological evaluation the acceptance will be finalized. At that point I may or may not know where I'll be. As time progresses that question takes on less and less importance. What is of the utmost importance, however, is how God is moving in my heart and using me right now to impact those around me for Christ. I can't wait to begin raising support and getting all the wheels in motion for next year, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I'll have to be patient and wait anyway. God will provide, and He'll provide in His timing- not mine. I should've written a journal yesterday morning because I was euphoric about the fact that I have a relationship with Christ. I'm not sure I've ever felt that excited about such old news before- seeing that I've known I've been saved for 18 years and counting. It sure was refreshing just to meditate on that relationship and the fact that I am deeply loved by God. It continues to blow my mind. No matter how good or bad life may be, He is there for me. It inspires me to live life without fear, knowing that the only thing I need in life I already have. To me, this is the most freeing thought I have ever had, or ever will have. As far as my own well being is concerned- I am taken care of. Nothing can or will ever take Christ from me, nor me from Him. With that out of the way, my only concerns are developing this relationship with Christ and honoring Him with my life. This is worth being euphoric over every day. February 23, 2005 Yesterday came and went without any news regarding my placement next year. At the surface level, this was a bit disheartening to me, at least initially. I am having to settle down and meditate on the fact that God will use me wherever I am placed. Not only is this the case, He will also put me exactly where He wants me. In the storm that is raging in my heart and mind I long to be back in Texas at my Alma Mater. I also have a heart for the Sooners here in Norman. Regardless, the bottom line is that God will put me where He wants me, and He will use me there. His ways are higher than mine. His thoughts are unsearchable. So despite the fact that there is so much I don't know, and so much of the future is uncertain in my mind, in God's eyes it is already set and due to run its course. It is comforting to meditate upon this and take comfort in it. It's the simple lessons such as the fact that God is totally in control that I tend to find myself drifting back to, time and time again. So now I continue to wait and do my best to prepare for the future, and continue to trust God in everything. As I think about what tomorrow is supposed to bring- final resolution concerning which campus I’ll be on next year- I can’t help but be nostalgic for a moment. I’ve been involved with Cru leadership at least to some extent for nearly seven years across three different campuses. I still remember that day when the campus director (Scott Kettrow) at the University of Kansas took me out evangelizing. We were doing Easter surveys, which were designed to get students to think about the meaning of Easter. Though I had been raised in an amazing home with godly parents, while out of their supervision and guidance I was headed in the wrong direction- getting caught up in meaningless relationships and the business and newfound freedom found in the college existence. While doing surveys that day and talking with lost students out on Wescoe Beach I felt my heart come alive in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I knew this was what God intended for me to do at that point. I had no idea it would lead to this, but God has guided me along the difficult path to get from that point to today. So it is with great eager anticipation that I learn my assignment for next year. My heart longs to be back at Texas Tech in Raiderland, my alma mater. Yet if I am assigned at Oklahoma I would be thrilled for the opportunity to continue to develop relationships and ministry that I have begun here. Ultimately, the location of my ministry means nothing. God will place me where He desires, and there I will gladly and faithfully serve Him with all of my heart. I just hope to play the small, yet so very significant, role that Scott Kettrow played in my life: to point students back to Christ, and to help them realize the importance of touching the lives of those around them with God’s everlasting compassion and love.
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This site was last updated 07/19/05